Use Fall Sports to Teach Healthy Competition

'Tis the season for fall sports - if the parents spend more time in sports or driving games, as they spend at home later. In the game, parents enthusiastically cheering squad for their children and discuss the game on a journey home. While most parents have good intentions, may inadvertently discourage a child and unfair competition, if you do not choose their words carefully.

First, define the difference between "healthy" and "unhealthy"Competition:

healthy competition focuses on best to do, have fun, and learning. It promotes teamwork and positive participation. Those who make a strong effort and strive forward to improve themselves in general. If learning or improvement is the goal, children may still arrive. If you happen to win, is the icing on the cake.

unfair competition focuses on the extraction, best, or to be better than others. The pressure to win is moreimportant than the fun of playing or learning skills. If children put forth their best effort but still "lose," they may still feel like a failure. They miss important lessons losing can teach them, because winning is the goal.
 
There are three ways parents tend to promote unhealthy competition:
 
"Let's race!" Many parents encourage racing to motivate children into action. "The first one to finish wins!" Usually, the youngest or weakest child loses, which only discourages the child more. Racing differs from doing something fast with no winners. "Let's see how many toys we can pick up before this song is over."
 
Comparisons: All comparisons promote unhealthy competition. Negative comparisons, like "I wish you could be more like John," are not motivating. They make children feel inferior and are discouraging. Children usually resent the other child, even if the child did not participate in the comparison. This increases competition and rivalry between them.

positive comparisons are also problematic. When children build from other goes down, we increase the child's ego, not to seek his self-respect. Children feel sorry for the child of poor quality or feel better than the single child so presumptuous. Children may also be under pressure to always be better than others.

Whenever one is tempted to compare a child, I remember this rule of thumb by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, intheir book Siblings Without Rivalry: Whatever you want to tell a child can be said directly, without any reference to another child.
 
Even when parents don't compare them, children may compare themselves as they compete for a place in the family or peer group. If one child is good in some area, another child might believe that role is taken and pursue something else - even if they are interested in that activity!
 
When children compare themselves, focus on the child's feelings, interest or performance, not the comparison. For example, if a child says, "Susan's such a good violin player. I'll never be as good as she is," the parent can say, "How Susan plays has nothing to do with whether you should play or not. If you want to play the violin, do it!"
 
Being a poor role model: Most parents know that unhealthy competition promotes selfishness and poor sportsmanship. Unfortunately, in their enthusiasm, some parents model poor sportsmanship by standing on the sidelines yelling insults at their children and the referees. These parents teach their children to make excuses or blame others for their mistakes. They are also an embarrassment to their children and an irritation to other parents who want to be encouraging.
 
If you yell during a game, make it encouraging: "Way to go!" "Nice kick!" "Keep it up!" If you see something that needs improvement and can't keep quiet, tell children what to do in a positive way: "Spread out!" "Work together!" "Center it!"
 
After an event, restrict your comments to descriptions of how the child or team did well, made an effort, or improved. Don't focus exclusively on the score or outcome. If children bring this up, acknowledge their feelings and comment on their effort or improvement.
 
In the long-run, families who focus on competition usually increase the differences and resentment among family members. Families who encourage Best efforts, attention to the improvement of skills and do their best in general have children, others are more trusting and collaborative.